Adoptive dog’s announcement is just as hilarious as it is honest
This Dog Adoption Ad Is Honest AF
There’s a dog up for adoption and the adoptive mom is so fed up with his shit that she’s created a website entirely dedicated to finding him a home real quick. The ad is different from most you’ll see for pet adoption because of its expansive nature and 100% complete and utter honesty.
Christine Clauder, the adoptive mother of a mixed-race one-year-old in Houston, wants Hank to be adopted because she’s tired. She also explained that getting this dog adopted was “like trying to find a Tickle-Me-Elmo on Christmas 1996.” It’s not that Hank isn’t adorable, he’s just very extra.
“His adoptive mother has several other tiny creatures,” reads the site PleaseadoptHank.com. “After experiencing his always-on personality, they’re JUST NOT THERE FOR THAT. We’re all tired of Hank. Not because we don’t like him, we’re just TIRED. It’s like s “he had drunk ALL OUR COFFEE. You know it’s bad just by the use of all caps.”
Interested parties should be able to match his energy (“maybe you love CrossFit”), but you have to be prepared to train Hank to channel all that power into something positive. He weighs a crazy 54 pounds “with eyes like the ocean. Sadly, that ocean also sank the Titanic.” He also “knows basic commands such as ‘sit’, ‘down’, ‘shake’ and ‘why are you so mad, stop chewing on that and get into your fucking kennel’.
If you already have children, dogs and cats at home, Hank can fit in. Or maybe not. The ad simply reads: “It’s a possibility.”
Clauder also has reviews of Hank on the website, including “If I wasn’t such a lazy shit, my kids would love Hank” and “That dog is a Peloton trainer after a triple espresso.”
Like I said before, this ad is honest AF.
A few good things to note about Hank if you’re vaguely interested in adopting him: “This asshole likes to keep you company no matter what you’re doing,” she wrote. “Cooking? He’ll get between your legs and trip you up while you’re holding knives.
Something to consider.
She’s also included a plethora of videos so you can see he’s kennel trained, takes treats gently so he doesn’t lose an appendage, and has no balls. At least Hank won’t be fathering other evil children who also eventually need to be adopted.
Clauder said HuffPost that Hank’s adoption site made sense since she volunteered for the Houston-based Abandoned Animal Rescue for the past eight years and because she runs their website why not add a little extra for this very extra dog to have him adopted by the right family?
Someone please adopt this dog and share updates on his shenanigans for the rest of his life, which could probably last 20 years out of sheer grudge. Also, if anyone is interested in a creative writer with crazy sales skills, Christine Clauder is also available for hire. She is “currently unemployed and looking for a job. Index index.